Trunks/Vegeta/Liger/Zechs

Frieza

Ace

Sub

SolarSonic

Galactic Magi

Nemo

Magnus X Zero/GamefreakForeverX

 

[The Santa chronicles continue]

 

 

(Standing in front of a bound and gagged Santa in a magical container)

Frieza: Our ransom demands are so exuberently high this year, that I won't even bother to list them. We expect payment before Christmas eve, or there will be no presents.

Grinch: And a stocking full of misery for all! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!!

Nemo: I held him down, while Sub beat him senseless!

Frieza: And the sooner he is rescued, the better. I shudder to think what will happen when one of us goes into a drunken rage.

Vegeta: WHY DID I GET COAL WHEN I WAS 5, DAMNIT!!!?!?!

Santa: (gagged) Mmmph mph mm!!

Vegeta: TALK DAMN YOU HOLIDAY PATRON SPIRIT!!!

(Beats Santa with crowbar)

Trunks: Atta boy, Dad.

Vegeta: You take that back!

(Punches Trunks, but misses and falls down drunkenly)

Frieza: ...we'll be right back.

 

(Akumath) *Pulls up a seat* LOL. It'll be fun to watch people try and stop you. Of course I will before Christmas begins.

 

(javs) *walks in, looks at magic container*
You say it's magic... I wonder if the magic in my sword is able to overcome it? Ah well.
*walks out*

 

We could be here a while. *Pours himself his own specialty* Ah... nothin' like pure rubbing alchohal with a hint of cherry juice after kidnapping the one person that makes kids feel glad and cheary in the winter. *Takes sip and starts walking around drunkenly* And this being my first *hic* time getting to *hic* do this with you guys, *hic* this... *Spins around drunkenly and spills all over the place* This oughta be TONS of fun. *Walks up to Akuma* Don't you agree, Senator? *Passes out, falling next to Akuma and spilling the rest of his drink*

(Akuma looks around slightly concerned)

Sub: Don't worry about it. We've seen him drunker.

Vegeta: TELL ME FAT BOY!

(Santa manages to wriggle gag off)

Santa: HO! HO-

(Vegeta stabs his eye with crowbar)

Santa: OH GOD MY EYE! YOU LITTLE SON OF A-

(Vegeta stabs his other eye, blood shoots all over the place)

Vegeta: I SAID TELL ME!!!

 

(Psychosauraus)Overguy : NO SANTA! ILL SAVE YOU!
*runs at the speed of sonic until... SMACK straight into a brick wall*
*Nemo grins*
Nemo : He's dumber than I thought!

 

Frieza: It's a magic resistant container. To contain the magic of Santa...hey, how'd you get in here anyway?!

Javs: You left the door open.

Frieza: ...NEMO!

Nemo: Yes Mr. Eisenhower?

Frieza: ...oh, never mind. Pack up the fat man. We're moving to an undisclosed location.

(Santa is teleported to an undisclosed location)

Nemo: I mamand all tha alkamahol in the world!

(Sub punches Nemo)

 

(Miquel Fire) (OOC: King Fire could find Santa no matter what, if he wanted to that is...)

 

(Psychosauraus) *Overguy gets up*
Overguy: HAA! You think a wall will stop me?
*runs into another wall*
Overguy: Owwwwwwwwww!

 

*Drinks last sip of drink and falls to the ground. Quickly springs up a minute later and chucks his empty mug at a target on the wall, getting a bull's eye*

Nemo: Hot dang! I'm gettin' better at hittin' that darned target over yonder.

(Sub punches Nemo)

 

(Akumath) LOL, pretty funny stuff going around here. If anyone wants to get help from TJ, just ask.

 

This is actually pretty normal compared to what usually goes on at the bar. (Topic name "The Saiyajin's Club Bar and Grill")

 

Nemo: SYRUP!

(Runs into back room. Comes out a few minutes later wearing a white bed sheet as a cape, a brown paper bag with eye holes on
his head, and a white T-shirt with a picture of a taco on it)

Nemo: THE FIGHTING FAJITA DEMANDS TO KNOW WHY HE WAS NOT GIVEN SEVEN INDONESIAN (sue me for not
knowing how to spell the stupid country[unless I spelt it right O.o]) DWARFS FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR!

Santa (Still being shocked): AHHHHHH!!!

Nemo: ...Could you cut out the shocking for a moment?

Frieza: Whatever...

(Stops)

Nemo: Now... ANSWER THE FIGHTING FAJITA'S QUESTION, TUBBY LUBBY!

Santa: ...Does the Fighting Fajita always refer to himself in the third person?

Nemo: THE FIGHTING FAJITA DENIES SUCH FOOLISH BEHAVIOR HAS EVER BEEN DONE BY THE FIGHTING FAJITA!

Santa: ...

 

(Spud) Poor Santa is kidnapped every year by the same people.

 

only because hes an idiot who is in the leage with the natorious Easter Bunny.

 

Wait... I thought HE was the Easter Bunny...? *Points at Santa*

 

(Kreig) No, that's not santa, that's BIZZARRO SANTA!
(santa explodes into a gigantic "Akira" looking flesh pile)

 

*Throws strip of chicken at Krieg* MWAHAHAHA!

 

(javs) *Walks up to the building while holding a note* Well... if King Fire's directions are correct, this is where they are holding Santa...
*drops the paper and cuts a hole in the wall and steps in*

 

*...Inside lays a decoy Santa...*

 

(javs) *looks around*
Where are they? Either I have the wrong place, this is a trap or decoy, or they're just careless...
*goes on a search for S.P.A. members inside the building*

 

(Kreig) GAHHH!!!!
THE FLESH PILE WILL DESTROY US ALL!!
(bizzaro santa)KANEDA!!!!!!!!!!
... Santa never said that before....
(three small children float out of the grandstands that are convienently adjacent)
What the hell? What's louie anderson doing here?

 

*Bends over Santa and gets right in his face* You will answer my question...

Santa: What question?!

Nemo: DON'T PLAY ME FOR AN IDIOT!

 

(UDX) Hey guys, does anyone realize that this place is a containment for Metroids?

Just look around

(Everyone looks around and the place is full of Metroid-filled chambers.)

Everyone: Oh ****!

 

(Kreig) (notices there's now a bizzarro santa and a regular santa)
...damn you space ghost.....

 

and over on SASB I gained control of Santa's body....like Zim.

And uh the whole meteor thing..yah...that was stupid.

 

(UDX) Suddenly, UDX accidently sits on the button)

Uh oh. I just pressed the button that releases the Metroids from their cages

(The Metroids chase everyone out.)

RUN!

 

(Zeromavhunter) *calls Tails Jr. Labs, Inc. on his cell phone*

 

(Artsoft) *Walks in dragging a dead body, which is dressed as Santa* *Pulls a book out of his pocket* Lets see... Yep it's the "Book of the Dead" Or as Saiyajins call it "The book of the forbidan Art!" *laughs cheerfully* Okay Guys, I'll be out of your hair in a second... But you really otta take down the Neo Sign that says "Santa Is Here!" *flips though the pages of the book* *Stops at what he thought was the right page* How to Cook a Spirit... Waitaminute! Did she get the books mixed up... Although she does have a few cook books made out of a dead guys.... but those were Her ex-boy-friends... *goes to turn back a page* AHA! The pages were stuck together! Okay *adopting a sinister voice* Klatu Verata Nick*goughsputterwheeze* *Watches as the dead Santa gets up* Okay guys Have fun with the deadites. *Snickers* Oh and Vegeta... Try not to let the trees steal your clothes again. *Marches out*

 

(Phone rings. Vegeta answers)

Vegeta: Hello?

GWB: Hi. This is the president of the United States, George W. Bush.

Vegeta: How nice for you.

GWB: We demand that you release Santa, or we will be forced to take military action!

Vegeta: Well then, you'd better hurry up with that ransom! The list is growing by the minute.

(Nemo pencils in something about can openers being given the right to vote and fly in magic tube socks without a license)

GWB: Our country refuses to negotiate with terrorists.

Vegeta: Hey! We're not terrorists! We're drunks!

(Frieza walks up)

Frieza: Put it on speaker phone.

(Vegeta presses the speaker button)

GWB: Well...whoever you are, we're not paying!

Frieza: Oh, you'll pay...without the free gifts from Santa, the world economy will miss a critical portion of its yearly income, totaling approximately 3 trillion dollars. Your country, not to mention the whole planet, will fall into a depression, both economic and emotional, from which it shall never emerge! I'll see to it personally...

GWB: You animals!

Nemo: Make him drop pies from the sky! Frieza, tell him to give us pie!

GWB: ...um...

Frieza: Just ignore that voice.

GWB: Yes...well if you refuse to cooperate, I'm afraid we'll have to use force!

Vegeta: And if you use force, we have worries about your country's geographical future.

Ace: Right on! Now get off your lazy republican asses and bring us our booze, MAN!

GWB: All right then. In three hours, you will be bombed unrelentingly until you relinquish Santa.

Trunks: Uh...wouldn't that kill him?

GWB: It's impossible to kill Santa fools! He's an immortal spirit!

Sub: We're testing that theory now. So far he's withstood napalm, emersion in liquid nitrogen, delimbing, and being repeatedly pelted with packets of taco sauce (looks at Nemo).

Frieza: Wait a minute...how did you get this number anyway?

GWB: I'm afraid that information is classified.

Frieza: ...Nemo?

Nemo: Uh...it was GT-Trunks!

Vegeta: No, he's not here today. Bulma took him to the doctor. Said something about mal-nourished and concussions.

GWB: (getting a little bit confused) ...who are you people?

Vegeta: We're the S.P.A.! Drunken mercenaries extraordinaire!

Trunks: 'Cause we need beer money!

GWB: Well, see you in hell.

(Hangs up)

Ace: Stuck up little (incoherent mumbling)

Frieza: Save it Ace. We'll probably have an air strike to deal with in a few minutes.

Santa: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Hohohohoooooo!!!

Sub: Crushing on a bed of electric needles doesn't work either.

Grinch: Oh what joy as childeren cry, behold their hero Santa die! Ahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

(Passes out Grinch nog)

 

(UDX) BOYS! WE GOT AN EMERGENCY! THE METROIDS ARE LOOSE!

(The Metroids are flying in the air)

Frieza: BREAK OUT THE ICE BLASTERS

Vegeta: Uhh, Frieza, we have no ice blasters

Frieza: Then, just pray they don't got a big Metroid.

(Out comes Metroid Prime)

Frieza: Oh no(starts to cry)

UDX: I think our gooses are cooked.

 

Nemo: Wait... we have a phone? CALL HIM BACK!

Frieza: ...We already hung up...

Nemo (shouting into phone): THE PIE WILL FLY OR THE FAT MAN WILL DIE!

(Starts beating phone with crowbar.)

Sub: Ya know... that actually wasn't too bad, "The pie will fly or the fat man will die." Even though we're on the second to last phase of our immortal testing.

(Nods head, causing one of those goggly things that welders wear to fall over his face. He pulls out a blow torch and shoves Santa down the stair case into the torture room then touches the blow torch to the gas line leading down there. Loud explosions are heard.)

Sub: I say we give'em one minute then see if he's alive.

Ace: Make it two, and twenty bucks says he lives throught his but dies in the contained nuclear explosion and radiation emmission.

 

Sub:fine then I'll bet you that he gets eaten by a monster in less then 3 minutes then whatever you said happens and one more thing what the hell is with UDX? I think he's trying to hard to fit in with this story. Kid it ain't workin... Your whole Metroid thing is really stupid, no offense.

 

(Still beatin phone with crowbar.)

Ace: Should some one stop him?

Sub: Well... Nah!

 

(UDX) (UDX places the Metroids in seperate containers)

Vegeta: That was a close call

UDX: Tell me about it. Now when's Dr Eggman coming?

(In comes Dr Eggman)

Dr Eggman: Hello there. Is there anything I can do to help?

Frieza: Yes. I want you to deliver this message to the President of the United States(hands the message to Dr Eggman)

Dr Eggman: On my way(flies off)

Frieza: This way Vegeta, there is something I want to show you

(Frieza and Vegeta walks off)

UDX(with evil eyes): Just as I thought. It seems Santa has immortality. Very impressive. Once I have this immortality, no one can stop me. HAHAHAHAHA

Frieza: UDX, are you acting crazy?

 

...no...

 

...UDX I sugest you quit trying. Your posts are not fitting in with ours.

 

(Puts a knife to Santa's neck)

Frieza: Only 5 days left. I suggest someone step forward.

 

(Chugs Ace Drink)

Nemo: FIVE DAYS??? HOLY CRAP!

Frieza: Yup, some one should step forward about now...

(Nemo chugs another Ace Drink)

Nemo: Ed Zachery!

(Passes out)

 

Four... I'm hoping Akuma will show up soon like he said, at least then we'll have SOME ONE to take on.

(HyperTails86) *HyperTails86 walks in*
Hi, I'm an unnamed official sent by the government to tell you to come answer which videogame i'm talking about in the Guess the videogame game topic! So, go answer my clue!!

*Walks out, only to realize that he's been trapped by Nemo, Frieza, Vegeta and Trunks*

Frieza: Halt! We have you surrounded!

Tails: Not quite!! *Throws a smokebomb* You have no chance to survive make your time!

Tails: HAHAHA!

*Smoke clears*

Tails:...Aw, [The rest of this message was gunned down and deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

 

*stares at the others holding the prisoner guy*

Sub:...waitatic... why don't I get to capture him?

Frieza: He don't like you....

Nemo:Tis the season to be Joll.......y

Sub:How the hell does he like Nemo over me?

Frieza: Dunno? *kicks tails feet out from under him* Hey like Sub ****** he's strong and punches people...

Sub:**** strait. *punches Tails in the gut then drags him off by the foot and throws him into the torture room.*

 

(Chugs another Ace Drink, then walks drunkenly out into the street. Gets run over by a police car.)

Cop: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY, SON??

Nemo: I swear to drunk ociffer... I'm not god! (Passes out in middle of street.)

 

(HyperTails86) Tails: So, what piece of torture shall you subject me to first?

*Sub points to the d*** remover*

Tails: OH, GOD NO...

*Is punched once again*

 

...no...

 

(HyperTails86) (As our hero... umm... me... is slowly dragged to his doom, he tries to think of a way out of this predicament!)

Tails: Wait a sec! I've got an idea!!
*Dies*
*Returns to the start of the Container with 2 lives left*
Tails: YAY!!

 

See previous comment.

 

(HyperTails86) ... :( ...
Well then, you write something!!

 

Nemo: (Turns to Frieza) You got the cork screws I asked for right?

Frieza: ...Say what?

Nemo: DON'T PLAY ME FOR STUPID! You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Frieza: ....No I don't.

Nemo: LIES!

Frieza: ...

Ace: (Walking by) What about a cork screw?

Nemo: LIES! (Throws chicken strip at Ace)

Ace: ...I was just gonna say... (Wipes chicken off face) ...that I found on laying one the floor in a corner.

Nemo: GIMME!

Ace: Um... NO!

Nemo: Oh com'n!

Ace: What's the magic word?

Nemo: NOW!

Ace: Good boy! (Tosses Nemo a cork screw)

Nemo: BUAHAHA! (Starts walking toward santa with a menacing look) Anyone up for Grilled Heart of Santa?

Santa: MMF! MMMMMFF!

Sub: Pipe down fatty! (Whacks Santa with crowbar)

 

(The sound of choppers echo in the distance)

Ace: Guess they wanted to wait until the last minute.

Vegeta: Let them come! No army in the universe can stop the Saiya-jin Prince!

Mega phone on chopper: Attention S.P.A. We have you completly out gunned. We are prepared to blanket the city in nukes if you do not relinquish Santa. You have 30 seconds to comply.

Trunks: How did they find us anyway?

Solar: Probably that neon sign Nemo insists on putting up.

Nemo: It's just a christmas decoration!

Solar: Yeah, of us stabbing Santa while he's bound to a chair!

(Sub shoves Nemo's head into an electrical outlet)

Frieza: (Calmly sipping wine) So...what do you say boys?

Ace: I got their answer right here!

(Blasts down 8 choppers with an octouple rocket launcher)

Solar: Nice!...so...what are we doing about those nukes again?

Frieza: That's a good question, Solar. A good question indeed...

(Continues drinking wine while whistling sounds become ever louder)

 

(Holding corkscrew to Santa's heart)

Nemo: I suggest you make with the demand deliverin', and as mentioned in the other topic, our list of demands is so high this year we haven't even bothered to compile a list. We expect payment by tonight, or ol' Santa here is gonna be turned into a buffet, and none of the poor little children will get their toys.

Vegeta: I STILL DEMAND TO KNOW WHY I WAS GIVEN COAL WHEN I WAS FIVE!!!

Frieza: Now now Vegeta... we can settle that later.

Ace: And none'a'y'all try anything funny, MAN!!! Or we'll have the fat guy's heart on a plate faster than you can say "Ho ho ho."

Sub: Nah, probably before even "Ho ho."

Ace: Whatever.

Frieza: (Holding piece of paper) And apparently, according to Nemo, we still require, on top of everything else, 3 hawiian islands, 5 third world countries in South Africa and the middle east, a gallon of paint, Mars filled with syrup, and can openers allowed the rights to vote and fly in magic tube socks without a liscense.

Nemo: Oh yeah!

 

(Chibi Shadow) ::trys something funny::

 

(HyperTails86) I've been studying the magical container compound that the SPA are holding Santa in, and have discovered one thing...
THEY LEFT THE FRONT DOOR OPEN!!
*Walks in*
*Takes Santa*
*Walks out*

 

*Oh, and everybody was drunk, which explains why there was no resistance*

 

One word: No.

He's in a CONTAINER, not a room. And the container is in an undisclosed location. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT IS! :O

And it wouldn't matter if we were all drunk.

 

(HyperTails86) Um... Well, then... oh, fine.

*Edit from last post*
Thanks to an unnamed source, I located the coordinates of the magical container!
*Teleports outside and tries to melt it with a flare spell, only to find out that the container is resistant to magic*
Oh, THAT'S why its magic...
<_<
>_>
*Uses <insert random loophole here> to disable the magical resistant barrier*
Haha!! Now, why was I here again?
*Absent-mindedly walks off*

 

12/24/2002 6:43:53 Frieza: At midnight, the true horror shall begin...Trunks! Read the remaining demands.

Trunks: Well, Big the Cat payed off most of it somethow, but the list explicitly states that 3 living sacrifices must be willingly made by members of the SASB or the SGSB in our honor!...(scribbles something else in) and that one of the girls has to lap dance for us.

Frieza: Very good. If these last 2 demands are met sometime before morning, Santa will be freed, and his workshop relinquished. This requires 3 of you to sacrifice yourselves, and one of your looser female members to dance for us...

Sub: (pulls up a seat) One way or another, this is gonna be quite a night...

 

(InsaneSonikkuFan) *shoves 3 of the million amy rose clones forward* there, those should be fine. *goes back to laying on lawn chair*

 

(HyperTails86) Tails: Santa, I disabled the Magicness of the Container, so why don't you leave?
Santa: ????
*disappears*
:D

 

(FormerlyKnownAsRass) *comes in with guns*

Give up Santa Grinches!

*proceeds to shoot like a maniac until bullets runs out*

Now tell me where Santa is! Oh, wait, you all are already dead. Oh well.

*leaves eating a sandwich*

 

(ChibiGoku 145) Chibi: Hmmm hey santa clause. Welcome to Mobois! ^^
"santa looks at him strangly" O.o

 

(forever psycho) Psycho: *flies above secret facility where everyone is holding Santa hostage. Drops through the skylight, and finds the container Santa is being held in* "I only know of one thing that could crack a box this hard!" *Proceeds to smack head against container. After 30 or so hits skull collapses and he dies*

Random Bystander: "Well at least he tried"

 

*Shoves corkscrew into Santa's chest and pulls out the heart. Then throws it to Vegeta who puts it on the grill*

Vegeta: We're gonna have a good dinner tonight guys!

 

(Reynard Fox) That can't be the real Santa 'cause he came to my house last night.

Santa Combat Drone(read Sluggy Freelance): ::self destructs::

 

Now I know why I prefer SASB over to SGSB to many friggin powergamers here. Honestly one guy looped his way strit out of his own friggin mind. And honestly you think you'd kill us with one gun? You wouldve been dead before you got your hand around the hilt. You don't know us do you? We are SPA!!!

Frieza:He laughs weird
Trunks:we eat him ocasionally
Goku:He stays under the fridge.
Vegeta:He has a teddy bear named Mr. Snuggles
Ace:he's almost sober
Nemo:well... he tries...
Chaos Claw:He died along time ago
Solar/POlar/the other one: hardly shows up
Sub:The guy with all the guns, monsters, strength, and likes to make people fall down and go "ow"
Sib:doesn't really exist.

 

And so it came to pass that Santa's ransom was never met. The demands of the S.P.A. were simple, yet unfulfilled. However, one cat named Big had brought suficient tribute to negotiate the release of Santa's village (recently converted back from a beer factory).

Being immortal (a point which Sub thoughrouly tested), Santa was released, after much torture and being cooked in a chilli pot. His magic reigndeer, also immortal, are traumitized for life. The Grinch went home happy, and the children of the world went without free gifts.

As the no-longer-jolly fat man left the stronghold of the vile mercinaries, he cursed them.

Santa: You hideous monsters! Not even coal shall I leave you! Miserable wretches! Justice will be done for this atrocity against the innocent of the world! Next year-

Trunks: Next year, we'll make it even worse on you. Especially if you don't shut up and leave already!

Santa: I'll be ready for you next time, you bunch of drunks. Next time...

Santa was escorted from the property by a massive explosion steming from Sub's rifle. Santa's threats made them laugh, and they drank merrily of the Grinch Nog they had left. The holiday season was over.

Frieza: Merry Christmas, friends.

 

And to all a good whatever you call it

*Nemo is trying to secretely spike the Grinch Nog*

Ace:Why are you trying to spike one of our mopst alcoholic drinks.

Nemo:gonna get Sub drunk and make him dance naked with a lampshade on his head.

Frieza:But it's already deadly toxic alcohal beverage stuff...

Ace:And besides all Sub wears is a jacket and his shell thing...

Nemo:Look at him dance woohooo!!!

*Sib(who really looks nothing like Sub) is dancing on the table*

Sub:You know Nemo that's not really me...

Sib:don't ruoin the moment with your fancy war talk...

Nemo:I havn't been so happy since I was under the fridge with the shiny thing...

Sub, Ace, Frieza:Back you go...

*Throws Nemo under missing leg of fridge*

Ace:waitatic...when did we lose that other leg?

Frieza:Sub's fixing that proble as we speak...

*Sub stuffs Sib under other missing leg.*

 

(DarkCat) *Runs in with a stick*
"OK! RELEASE THE EASTER BUNNY NOW!"
*notices this is the wrong time of year and wrong topic and leaves*

 

Could you, like, never do that again?

 

Come now, Nemo. There's no need to shoot down everyone's idea of humor. You weren't too funny when you started either.

And a minor correction to Sub's character list above.

It isn't Trunks we eat occasionally, it's Goten. Little Trunks(GT-Trunks/Chibi Trunks) cleans toilets (not a member), and the real Trunks hangs around with Gundam pilots and gets drunk.

And with that, I declare this year's Christmas episode over.