Sub's Story

This is the script of what was to be Subrosian's story mode in the SPA arcade game. After reading Yoshindo's and AkumaTH's comics, I was inspired to bring in some of the other SASB warriors to both expand the roster (and potential audience) and add some nostalgia. Winning the battles was optional, with differing scenes depending not only on whether or not you won but also how many of the previous battles you'd won, the goal of course being to win as many as possible. It's not as engaging as a game would've been, but there are some good skits hidden among the constant exploding of Nemo. The version of Sub in this story is an amalgamation of ours and Akuma's.

(Scene opens in bar, Sub and Frieza sitting at counter, Nemo standing talking to them)

Nemo: And then Emperor Morpheus granted me the mystical Toaster of Ages and the key to the royal nightmare realm. Then I-

Frieza: Nemo, why did you walk up to us and begin telling a story from somewhere in the middle?

Sub: You ask too many rhetorical questions, Frieza.

(Hops off stool, slashing effects, Nemo falls to bloody pieces)

Sub: He was obviously asking me to disembowel him.

Frieza: Indeed.

(Sips wine as Nemo walks onto screen and his corpse becomes puppies that scatter off screen)

Nemo: How come you never let me finish?

Sub: How come you never stay dead when I kill you?

(Blasts Nemo off screen. Nemo peeks down from roof)

Nemo: Maybe it’s because you’re too weak.

(Sub blurs to Nemo, slams him into ground, lands next to him)

Sub: That’s funny, Nemo. I thought I heard you say you were stronger than me but you know damn well that I could obliterate you without even trying, don’t you?

Nemo: Not really. I mean, we’ve never seen you fight before.

Sub: (grin) Then allow me to demonstrate.

(Blasts Nemo off screen)

Frieza: Actually, he brings up an interesting point.

Sub: What?

Frieza: In all these years, despite all of your boasting, we’ve never actually seen you in a serious fight.

Sub: You sayin’ I’m weak?

Frieza: (Nemo walks back on screen) No, not necessarily. It’s just strange that after all of this time we’ve yet to see your real power. And it’s not as though there haven’t been opportunities.

Sub: Hey, I’ve saved this city more times than the rest of you put together! I’ve won two Royal Rumbles, fought off DP’s minions, Para’s invasions, and countless other battles. It’s not my fault you guys keep getting your big jobs while I’m gone.

Frieza: Yes, I know your reputation, and I’m sure there’s good reason for it, but we’re the S.P.A. What’s incredible for others is average for us, and you must admit that without actually seeing your power it becomes increasingly difficult to take your constant bravado seriously.

Sub: Fine then, get up and I’ll show you first hand!

Frieza: Don’t take it personally Sub, I just-

Sub: No! You think I’m weak and we’re settling that NOW, so stand up and fight.

Frieza: I’m really not in the mood.

Sub: Too bad. You insult me, you fight me.

Frieza: I’d much rather watch you fight. It would be just as informative as doing it myself, and I wouldn’t have to put my drink down.

Sub: Fine. Go get Trunks or Ace. I’ll show you guys who’s weak.

Nemo: Ace is out, and Trunks and Vegeta have community service.

Sub: What about Solar and GM?

Nemo: Haven’t been here in months.

Sub: Hmph. (turns back on Nemo, looks thoughtfully at far wall)…well fighting YOU isn’t going to prove anything.

(Turns back)

Sub: Alright, follow me.

Frieza: Who are you going to fight?

Sub: Whoever we find. We’re gonna wander this city and take on everyone we see until I’ve proven my strength to you.

Frieza: Metro City dwellers? Hm…yes, that could work. This city’s full of huge powerlevels and bizarre fighting talents. Or rather it was. It’s been all but abandoned for years. I’m not sure how much of a challenge it still holds for us.

Sub: Then I’ll just have to slaughter innocent civilians until I’m satisfied.

Frieza: Eh. Either way. (Gets up). Come on Nemo, this should be entertaining.

Nemo: (emits Hooray beer sound clip. Sub blows him up, they leave)

Round 1

(Trio walking down street)

Sub: You guys better have some healing MKA ready. I feel sorry for the next person I see.

(Random Sonic Recolor walks on screen)

Random Sonic Recolor: Hey guys, what’s-

Sub: (jumps in air, goes hyper, screams) DIE!!!

(Pathetically easy fight. Start out hyper)

Lose

---------

(After Sub’s body lands, eyes open wide. Pause for a second, switch to picture of wide-eyed Sub looking in bathroom mirror with gun to head with words “you suck” on screen. Play Joe Perry's, “Man, you suck” sound clip. Gameover.)

Win

-----------

Random Sonic Recolor: Whoa, you guys are nuts!

(Flies away)

Sub: Hey! I’m not done with you!

Frieza: Well that was delightfully pointless. I don’t think he was even a fighter. If you were serious about just killing civilians then I have better things to do.

Sub: I said I’d take on everyone we find, and you’re not leaving until we find someone tough enough for me to demonstrate my strength. Now come on.

Nemo: Couldn’t we just wait for the guys to-

Sub: No.

(Walks off screen)

Frieza: I’ve never seen him like this. Is he really that vain about his power?

Nemo: The greatest of Laundromats are the crudest of Dry Cleaners.

Frieza: Right. Thank you for that insight, Nemo.

Nemo: FIGHTING FAJITA AWAY!!!

(Flies away. Frieza sighs, walks off screen)

Round 2

(Walking down different street)

Frieza: Seriously Sub, this is futile.

Sub: Shut up. They’re out here; I can feel it.

Frieza: Well I can’t feel anything more powerful than sewer rats for miles.

(Stop, look at Nemo)

Nemo: Ooooo! Fight the sewer rats! Then we can blame the massacre on the sewer gators and start a subterranean civil war and sell the movie rights to Pixar in exchange for a film hailing us as heroes instead of the monsters that instigated an interspecies war of unprecedented atrocities for which we have no remorse but still want cleared from our good names so they’ll interview us on daytime TV to advocate the legalization of pickles.

Frieza: …Nemo, go play in traffic.

Nemo: But we’re already in traffic.

(Car honks, speeds on screen from right, Sub extends hand without looking and it explodes, flying off screen)

Frieza: That brings up another point. Where do all these cars keep coming from? We’re too close to the bar for this place to be habitable.

Nemo: I think that one said Fred’s Bicycle Insurance on the side.

Amy: (off screen) As you can see, our flying cars were rated top of their class in fieriness.

Sub: Amz!

Amy: (Half on screen) Subs!

(Amy runs on screen with Chasupi)

Sub: (throws arms open) Chassy!

Chas: (throws arms open) Subbykins!

(Frieza+Nemo chuckle. Sub + Chas lower arms, Sub turns to Frieza)

Sub: Don’t be jealous just because I’m popular with the ladies.

Frieza: (snicker) You’re a regular Romeo, Subbykins.

(Turns back to Chas)

Sub: So what’re you doing here? I thought you left this place years ago.

Chas: I did. I just felt kinda nostalgic and came back for a visit. Amy’s been giving me the tour.

Amy: And here we have the S.P.A., the people who pretend they own a bar and will still be here long after this city is forgotten rubble. Moving on we have-

(Sub stops them)

Sub: Hold on. We have to fight.

Chas: Huh?

Frieza: Sub, don’t you have ANY decency?!

(Sub throws backward glance at Frieza)

Frieza: …you know, you’re right. I do ask too may rhetorical questions.

Chas: But I’m not strong enough to beat you. I’m probably not even strong enough to beat your chao.

Sub: (compassionate expression) I know, but I said I’d…

(Beam of light descends on Chas, she’s beamed away. Craft descends with Bush on wing and Chas somehow bound)

Bush: At last, I’ve caught one of the mighty Metro Citians! With its power in my control no one can stop me from taking over the world!

Frieza: …except the rest of us.

Bush: I’m way ahead of you. Soldier, plug it in!

Pilot: Yes sir!

(Plugs Chas into giant robot, flashy electricity, Chas in pain)

Amy: Chas!

Bush: Let’s see you aliens take on the greatest fighting machine science can buy powered by one of your own!

Nemo: Score one more for Bush.

Frieza: Fighting against robots does require a certain kind of skill. If nothing else, this could be a good test of your tactical abilities.

Sub: Frieza, all this is gonna test is my ability to resist blowing them all to hell before I rescue Chas.

Bush: Attack!

(Platformer-like boss battle. Multistage)

Lose

----

Pilot: Sir, the unit is down to 1/4 energy!

Bush: Damn, the specimen is too weak. Let’s just bring it back to the lab for dissection then.

(Flies away)

Amy: Oh noes! Like, save her, ‘nd stuff.

Frieza: Nemo?

Nemo: Chaos Control!

(Chas appears in front of Nemo)

Chas: …am I safe now?

Nemo: Are you in a city populated primarily by violent super beings from other worlds, hobos, and the insane?

Chas: Probably.

Nemo: Then yes.

Chas: Yay!

Amy: Come on Chas, we have a schedule to keep.

(Start walking off screen)

Chas: (looking back) Bye Subby! Thanks for trying!

Amy: And here’s yet another abandoned building that was used to host a Chatterbox…

(Frieza walks up to Sub lying on ground)

Frieza: Well this is certainly off to a good start.

Sub: Grr…I held back too much to keep from hurting Chas.

Frieza: Normally I’d be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not sure there’s ever a valid excuse for losing to George W. Bush.

Sub: Knock off the bad political jokes and give me a sensu bean.

(Frieza throws bean into Sub’s mouth. He chews, gets up.)

Sub: Let’s go.

Frieza: You mean you’re not going after Bush?

Sub: Later. First I have to show you two how a real warrior fights, and that thing wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to demonstrate my power.

(Sub walks off screen)

Frieza: (to nobody) Sub turning down fresh vengeance? This is more serious than I thought.

Nemo: Not really. I already took care of Bush.

Frieza: Not him, I was talking about Sub’s…why am I talking to you?

Nemo: You’re not. You’re asking yourself rhetorical questions.

(Frieza stares narrow eyed at Nemo, follows Sub. When gone, Nemo teleports. Scene changes to aboard Bush’s craft. Mr. Game+Watchs attack controls. Soldier runs back and forth shooting at Game+Watches that blink in and out of existance)

Bush: Soldier, get these monstrosities under control!

Soldier: I’m trying sir, but they keep disappearing!

Bush: Dang. I knew I should’ve brought more than one soldier…

(Nemo appears)

Nemo: Hey, have either of you seen a little black guy who blinks a lot?

Bush: Curse you alien scum! Mark my words; your reign of terror is coming to an end. Freedom is on the march and your evil space magic can’t stop the songbird of peace from spreading its victory song around the world!

Nemo: Oh. Well if you see him, remind him to use the environmentally friendly oil panic.

(Nemo teleports)

Bush: The oil panic is a myth used by the liberal media…that means the liberals are in league with the aliens! I knew it!

Soldier: I’ll inform the coast guard immediately, sir.

(NEG appears. Momentary pause. Scene changes to far view of craft. Craft explodes)

Win

---

(Last phase of battle is in air. Robot explodes, Chas falls out. Sub catches her and lands)

Bush: Damn you alien terrorists! Your evil days of assaulting freedom are numbered!

Nemo: But we’re all-powerful mercenaries in a lawless city. We’re freedom incarnate.

Bush: (turns to soldier) Get us out of here, soldier. They’re using their alien mind tricks!

Soldier: Yes sir.

(Bush files away. Sub follows with eyes, but turns away as Chas stirs)

Chas: Ow. That really hurt.

(Amy approaches)

Amy: You ok, Chassy?

Chas: (on feet, bent over) I feel pretty drained, but I’m ok.

Sub: Frieza, give her a sensu bean.

Frieza: Hm? Sure.

(Tosses bean at Chas. Chas looks up, it bounces off her head and lands. She bends down, picks up, and eats)

Sub: Better?

Chas: Mmm! Yummy! Thanks Sub!

Sub: Good. I wouldn’t want you to be at a disadvantage in our fight.

(Pause. Frieza slaps forehead)

Amy: (touches Chas’s shoulder) Byebye Sub.

(Amy teleports Chas away)

Sub: Hey! Get back here!

Frieza: Skip it Sub, the robot was good enough. You identified its patterns and took advantage of them quickly and managed to destroy it without killing Chasupi. Which I can only assume was intentional.

Sub: It was a waste of time. We’ll need something much stronger if we’re going to prove anything.

Frieza: Obviously.

Nemo: And so, with the village idiot defeated once again, our heroes retired to the darkest corners of the urban wasteland to ritually assault the unsuspecting citizenship that mysteriously had not yet fled. The end.

(Mac truck runs over Nemo. Frieza and Sub exit right)

Round 3

(Walking through another part of city)

Nemo: The merciless trio found themselves in yet another part of the city. Depressing rows of corpselike buildings in various stages of decay consumed their horizon, skeletal echoes of the thriving assemblies they once catered. The dust choked streets resounded with their footsteps, the only thing to touch their forsaken surfaces in years save the mysterious flow of tumbleweeds. Despite the bleakness of their climate, these warriors continued to search for-

Frieza: (turns around, all stop) Nemo. Stop it.

Nemo: The former tyrant’s patience was growing thin. He’d become accustomed to Nemo’s incessant babbling in the time that they’d known each other, but the hopelessness of their quest seemed to be wearing at his tolerance. He stared down at the oblivious porcupine with those serpentine eyes, fiery red and yet so very cold.

Frieza: (points glowing finger at Nemo) And then he killed the narrator and all was silent.

Nemo: (sad) Aw, thanks a lot Frieza! Now I have to tell his wife and kids!

(Frieza smacks forhead)

Sub: (Walks up to Nemo) No, no, Frieza. Like this.

Sub: (stops in front of him) Hey Nemo, remember that bag of spoons you put in the microwave?

Nemo: You mean the worthless plastic ones I melted for their worthlessness?

Sub: Yeah.

Nemo: Nope, don’t remember.

Sub: Good, ‘cause I threw then in the torture room.

Nemo: GAAAH! MUST SAVE SPOONS!!!

(Jumps through portal)

Frieza: Does it disturb you how well you understand him?

Sub: Yes.

(Tabcef appears through portal behind Frieza + Sub. They turn)

Tabcef: Hm? Where’s this?

Frieza: Ah, Tabcef. Good timing.

Tabcef: Hey guys. Did you move the bar? That teleporter was supposed to take me to the bar. I guess it got mixed up and took me to you. So what’s up?

Frieza: Sub’s looking for a fight.

Tab: Yeah? Hm! (strikes fighting pose) Ok. It’s been a while since this place has seen a good brawl.

Sub: (strikes fighting pose) About time I got a willing opponent!

Frieza: This should be a good one. Tab’s powerlevel may not be colossal but he’s quite an adept magic user, and fighting magic is always risky.

Sub: (grin) Hey Tab, I think your bar tab is overdue. Don’t worry if you haven’t got any cash on ya, we accept blood.

Tab: Good, then this one’s gonna be on you.

(Tab uses burning katars (punch daggers) and elemental/demonic magic. BGM=Raise thy sword)

Lose, 0 wins

----

(Sub on floor, Nemo mysteriously back)

Tab: I think that should cover what I owe you. (turns to Frieza and Nemo) Later guys! Anytime you’re looking for a fight, just call.

(Tab teleports. Frieza approaches Sub, looks down)

Frieza: This isn’t going quite as you planned, huh?

Sub: No Frieza, this is exactly what I planned. I enjoy embarrassing myself.

Frieza: It sure seems that way. Unless, of course, you’ve completely misjudged your power.

Sub: He just caught me off guard. I don’t remember Tabcef being that strong.

Frieza: Neither do I, and magic users are a tricky bunch. But your habit of holding back is beginning to look suspiciously like weakness.

Sub: Fine then, on the next fight I’ll go all out! How about that?!

Frieza: You’d better. If you lose again I don’t think you’ll be able to rationalize it.

(Drops sensu bean into Sub’s mouth, Sub stands)

Sub: Then the next person we find had better be stronger than the last 2 put together or it’s gonna be a really boring fight.

Frieza: Better than an embarrassing one.

(offscreen) True dat. Those were some pretty sorry moves, MAN.

(All turn, Ace enters from right-top)

Frieza: (grinning) Ace, how long were you standing there?

Ace: Just got here Friez, but I’ve been watching for a while. So what’s up? Tab forget to pay his bill again?

Frieza: It occurred to us that we’ve never seen Sub in a real fight. I’m not in the mood and of course Nemo wasn’t good enough for him, so we went looking for one. Excluding defenseless civilians, he’s 0 and 2. But now that you’re here we can put an end to this once and for all.

Ace: Nah, I’m beat. But if ya’ll are gonna keep goin’ I wouldn’t mind bein’ around for the show, MAN!

Frieza: Hasn’t been much of a show so far, but I welcome the company. I was starting to get tired of being alone with Nemo.

Nemo: Aw come on Frieza, I’m not that bad.

Frieza: Nemo, you’re-

(Nemo explodes)

Frieza: …yes.

Sub: Quit wasting time, guys. We’ve got an opponent to find.

(Sub flies away, others follow)

Lose, 1 win

----

(Sub on floor, Nemo mysteriously back)

Tab: I think that should cover what I owe you. (turns to Frieza and Nemo) Later guys! Anytime you’re looking for a fight, just call.

Sub: Grr…damnit! I wasn’t expecting him to be that strong.

Frieza: (approaching) Hmph. Well, I guess that was a forgivable loss. Even I try to avoid battles with magic users. (drops sensu bean in Sub’s mouth, he gets up) They tend to catch you off guard.

Sub: I have tons of experience with wizards, Frieza. I just held back too much.

Frieza: Why? I brought sensu beans to replenish your energy, and I KNOW you weren’t worried about hurting him.

(offscreen) He was being cocky, that’s why.

(All turn, Ace walks on screen)

Frieza: Ace!

Ace: Sup, MAN? Tab trying to skip out on his tab again?

Frieza: Sub’s trying to prove how strong he is.

Ace: Why didn’t he just fight you then?

Frieza: I’m not in the mood. How about you? A battle like that would settle any doubts about his abilities.

Ace: Nah, I’ve had a rough day. But if you guys are gonna keep going I’m up for the entertainment.

Sub: Good, because we’re a long way from being done and Nemo was starting to get to us.

Nemo: Aw come on Sub, I’m not that annoying.

Sub: You’re right Nemo, you’re not annoying, you’re flammable, and nothing flammable can be annoying for long.

Nemo: What about PBS?

(Sub explodes Nemo)

Sub: Let’s go.

(Sub flies away, Frieza + Ace follow)

Win, 0 wins

---

(Tab in pain, Nemo still gone)

Tab: Rrr…not bad, Sub. But let’s see if you can handle-

(Beeping sound. Tab looks at watch)

Tab: Huh? Damnit! I’m gonna be late! Sorry Sub, we’ll have to finish this another time.

Sub: What? Hey, you can’t just leave in the middle of a fight!

Tab: Later guys!

(Sub runs at him, Tab vanishes)

Frieza: (Walks up to Sub) Let him go. The fight was enough to convince me of your skills against magic users. (crosses arms) Or at least enough to make up for losing to Bush.

Sub: None of these people have been strong enough to test my power. What happened to all the old powerhouses like DP, Mysterious Ninja, and Kingfire?

(offscreen): They moved on with the magic, MAN!

(Both look, Ace enters)

Frieza: Ace!

Ace: There was a force, a spirit that gathered in this unsuspecting city that drew us all to it for our various reasons. You must’ve felt it. Now it’s long since dispersed, and the dimension travelers have left in search of other gatherings or gone back to where they came from. All but us…

Ace: So what’s up?

Frieza: We’re looking for opponents for Sub to fight so he can prove how strong he is. Are you interested?

Ace: Nah, I’ve had a rough day. But if you guys are gonna keep going I’m up for the entertainment.

Sub: Good, I’ll prove myself to you too. Come on, let’s…where’s Nemo?

(Nemo appears)

Nemo: Uh, Sub, the spoons accidentally unleashed one of your hydra monsters into the dimension of librarians and flammable shrubbery.

Sub: Good. Let’s go.

(Flies away)

Ace: …he ok?

Frieza: He felt insulted by my lack of faith in his abilities. He’s been touchy ever since.

Ace: Huh. Didn’t know he was so insecure.

Frieza: Either that or egotistic.

Nemo: Maybe he just wants us to know we can depend on him in a crisis.

Frieza: Whatever it is, I hope he gets over it. He’ll be no fun to drink with if he’s constantly moping about how strong he is.

(Frieza flies, Ace and Nemo follow)

Win, 1 win

---

(Tab in pain, Nemo mysteriously back)

Tab: Rrr…not bad, Sub. But let’s see if you can handle-

(Beeping sound. Tab looks at watch)

Tab: Huh? Damnit! I’m gonna be late! Sorry Sub, we’ll have to finish this another time.

Sub: What? Hey, you can’t just leave in the middle of a fight!

Tab: Later guys!

(Sub runs at him, Tab vanishes)

Frieza: (Walks up to Sub) Let him go. The fight was enough to convince me of your skills against magic users. (crosses arms) Though we’re still a long way from proving anything.

Sub: This sucks. Where are all the old powerhouses like DP, Mysterious Ninja, and Kingfire?

(offscreen): They moved on with the magic, MAN!

(Both look, Ace enters)

Frieza: Ace!

Ace: So what’s up?

Frieza Well Nemo, in his methodical madness, pointed out that we’ve never seen Sub in a real fight, and he felt the need to assure us of his abilities. So far we haven’t really found anyone strong enough. You up for a fight, Ace?

Ace: Nah yo, I just got back from a fight. Tough little SOBs, too. But I could still go for some spectating, MAN!

Frieza: (sigh). Well, at least now I’ve got better company than Nemo.

Nemo: Oh come on Frieza, I’m not that annoying.

Frieza: Nemo, not only have you not stopped babbling since we left, you have the attention span of a photon.

Nemo: Hey! I have more attention than a futon!

Frieza: Ok then, what happened to your spoons?

Nemo: What spoons?

Frieza: My point exactly.

Nemo: What point?

(Sub blasts Nemo off screen)

Sub: No talk for you. Fly now.

(Sub flies away, Frieza and Ace follow, Nemo hurries on screen, takes out floating spoon. Spoon turns into music note, rises, plays tune, vanishes. Nemo flies away)

Round 4

(Scene opens on Yoshindo, Sam, and Beamer standing amidst rubble)

Yoshindo: Hade risutoa tataru!

(Flashy light show. Moment of silence)

Yoshindo: …damn. How did that jutsu go?

(Sweat drop on Sam and Beamer. Gang lands on left of screen, Frieza no longer with glass)

Sub: Yo, ‘shindo!

Yoshindo: Hm? Oh, it’s you guys! I didn’t think you were still around. You called yourselves the S.P.A., right? What brings you here?

Frieza: Yoshindo, huh? Yes, I remember him. He ran a dojo here and later in Neo Metro City. He was extraordinarily powerful and skilled. He should be an excellent opponent.

----

0 wins

Frieza: (looking down at Sub) I assume this is worthy of your full power?

Sub: (angry eyes) He’ll do fine.

Yoshindo: Hm? What are you two talking about?

---

Sub: I’m looking for a fight. You interested?

Yoshindo: Sorry Subrosian, I haven’t got time right now. Purple has been afflicted with grievous indigestion and I must hasten to retrieve a cure! I know how to make the medicine she needs, but I’m missing a crucial ingredient…

Yoshindo: Magic Kool-Aid.

(Sweat drop on all except Yoshindo)

Yoshindo: An MKA bar once stood here. I was trying to revive it, but I can’t remember the jutsu.

Sub: Well, our bar is still around. I’m sure we have some MKA in the back somewhere.

Yoshindo: Great! Take us there quickly! I fear she may begin vomiting at any moment!

Sub: No.

Yoshindo: What?

Sub: (grin) Only if you can defeat me.

Yoshindo: Subrosian, this is no time for games. There’s a young girl out there who’s very uncomfortable that needs our help!

Sub: Then you’d better hurry up and beat me. I’d hate to think that she’s writing in agony ‘cause you’re taking too long.

Sam: Why you heartless-

(Yoshindo raises hand to cut off Sam)

Yoshindo: Very well. If that’s how you feel then you leave me no choice. Prepare yourself!

(Ninja battle! No power up in Ninja form (replaced with concentration for casting). At half health, goes super saiya-jin (causes massive blowback, Shwee sound effect), doesn’t restore health)

Lose

---

(Sub on ground, Yoshindo pointing at him)

Yoshindo: There! I have defeated you! Now tell me where to find the MKA!

Sub: Urr…hey, I’m not beaten yet…just…give me a sec to get back up…

Frieza: The bar’s in the downtown area of the west side. You can’t miss it; it’s surrounded by hijacked liquor trucks and military shrapnel.

Yoshindo: Thanks. Let’s go guys! There may still be time to prevent gas from setting in!

(Shindo and co exit left. Frieza approaches Sub, looks down)

0 win

---

Frieza: So what’s the excuse this time? Performance anxiety? Sun in your eyes?

Sub: I messed up, that’s all.

Ace: That was more than messed up, man. You looked like you were drunk.

Sub: Well, I did have a few dozen before we left.

Frieza: Sensu beans cure that. You were just sloppy. (drops sensu bean in Sub’s mouth)

Sub: It was just a fluke and I’ll prove it in the next fight!

Frieza: I hope so.

(Sub flies away, others follow)

1 win

---

Frieza: That was pretty bad.

Sub: I just screwed up. We all make mistakes.

Frieza: Those were some pretty armature mistakes, but since you were fighting a ninja I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. I just hope we don’t see any more mistakes like that. (drops sensu bean in Sub’s mouth)

Sub: You won’t. Come on.

(Sub flies away)

Ace: …I should’a brought some beer, MAN.

(Ace flies away)

Frieza: I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

(Flies away)

Nemo: …why am I always the last one off screen?

(Flies away)

2 wins

---

Sub: Before you say it Frieza, shut up.

Frieza: Relax Sub, you fought well. Yoshindo’s a powerful warrior; there’s no shame in losing to him. (drops sensu bean in Sub’s mouth)

Sub: I could’ve taken him. I just slipped.

Frieza: A pity. I doubt we’ll find another strong fighter like that today.

Sub: Well we’re gonna find something. We’re not going back until I’ve shown you guys what I can really do. Come on.

(Flies away, other follow)

Win

---

(Sub standing, Yoshindo hurt on one knee)

Yoshindo: Damn…have to hurry…Purple’s counting on us…

Sub: Hmph. I thought that threatening your friend’s health would make you fight harder, but I can see it’s only distracting you. The Bar is about 20 miles west of here. You can’t miss it; it’s surrounded by craters and death. You can send Sam and Beamer and we’ll finish our-

Yoshindo: (dashes past Sub followed by Sam and Beamer) SorrySubonlyIknowhowtomakethepotiongottagothanks!

0 win

---

Sub: What? Hey, I wasn’t finished yet!

Frieza: Not bad, Sub. I guess those first two battles were just flukes after all.

Sub: Glad you finally realized it. But the fight ended before I could show off my real skill. We’ve gotta find another one.

Frieza: Agreed. I still haven’t seen enough to comfortably judge yet.

Ace: Better get looking then. I can tell ya right now there’s nothing out there stronger than the basement monsters, MAN!

Sub: They’re out there. I can feel them.

(Flies away)

Frieza: I’m beginning to wonder if he really can feel something. That we’ve run into 3 decent battles already is quite a coincidence. Although under the circumstances that would require presence.

Nemo: GAH! IT’S A CONSPIRACY!

(Jumps out nonexistent window)

Ace: Violence and random insanity. All we need is some booze and it’d be like having the whole bar with us.

Frieza: Home is where the beer is, as they say.

(Both fly away)

1 win

---

Sub: What? Hey, get back here!

Frieza: Forget him; he wasn’t in the mood. I think we saw all we were going to from him today. But even so, that was quite an impressive show you put on. It more than makes up for that other loss.

Sub: I told you it was just a fluke.

Frieza: Was it? Well I guess we’ll know for sure after the next battle. I doubt we’ll find anyone as qualified as Yoshindo, but we’ll make due.

Sub: Don’t worry Frieza, they’re out there.

(Sub flies away)

Ace: …so is there a reason we’re not leavin’ the city? ‘Cause I know a few places where we’d have no problem getting a good fight, MAN.

Frieza: I think there’s more to this that just proving his strength. Maybe it’s nostalgia, or maybe there’s someone he’s hoping to run into. I’m certain that there’s something preoccupying him besides our opinions.

Ace: Hm. Maybe we’ll get lucky and be here to watch him resolve it.

Nemo: No, he’s already screwed up too much to get the good ending.

Ace: Wha?

Nemo: I STOLE NOTHING!

(Flies away. Frieza and Ace exchange glances, fly away)

2 win

---

Sub: What? Hey, get back here!

Frieza: Forget about him, you’ll never get a good fight out of him while he’s worried about his friend.

Sub: Man, I get no respect. I’m like the biggest hero this city’s ever had and people still treat me like I’m nobody.

Frieza: Sub, they had to create the word “Galacticide” to describe the things I’ve done and you disgust even ME.

Sub: I didn’t say I was a NICE hero.

Frieza: In any event, that was pretty impressive. Switching from fighting a ninja to fighting a super saiya-jin takes adaptivity, and he was strong regardless.

Sub: Pff. I wasn’t anywhere near my maximum. We still need someone stronger.

Frieza: Well I doubt we’ll find anyone better than him, but perhaps we can compensate for it with something.

Sub: (grinning) They’re out there Frieza. I can feel it.

(Flies away)

Frieza: Hmph. I still don’t feel anything.

(Flies away, Ace follows)

Nemo: …why am I always the last one off screen?

(Flies away)

Round 5

(Scene opens on Chao Mafia + Kingfire Chao in front of chao-sized DDR machine, Javs and Kingfire chao dancing. Song ends, ‘Perfect’ flashes on both screens. Others cheer, both step down)

KFC: Wow, you were right Javs! This really is the best machine around!

JC: It sure is! I’m surprised it still works. Everything else in this place is falling apart.

KFC: Wanna go one more time?

JC: Sure!

(Sub, Frieza, Ace, and Nemo land. Mafia looks)

Frieza: The Chao Mafia? That’s the last group I expected to see back here.

Javs: Hey, it’s Subby! And…um…bar people!

(Sweat drop on Frieza and Ace)

Ace: Maybe we should’ve gotten out a little more often, huh?

Sub: Hey Javs Chao. What’re you guys doing here?

Javs: I suddenly remembered about this really good DDR machine and-

Nemo: WHEE DDR!!!

Frieza: Nemo, it’s made for-

(Nemo dances on machine, it starts shorting out)

Frieza: …chao.

(KFC blasts Nemo off machine, inspects it)

KFC: It’s only a little broken. It shouldn’t be too hard to get repaired.

Javs: Phew! Good chao-sized DDR machines are hard to find these days.

Sub: …yeah, so ignoring Nemo, we gotta fight.

Javs: Fight? Why?

Sub: We just do, now get ready.

KFC: Ok, I’ll fight you.

Sub: Not enough. All of you, at the same time.

Javs: But fighting’s not fun.

Sub: Too bad. We’re fighting.

Javs: But I couldn’t hurt you even if I tried. How ‘bout we dance instead?

Sub: Hm…you guys like DDR, huh?

Javs: (others show signs of excitement) Yeah!

Sub: Ok then, how about this?

(Extends hand to DDR machine)

Sub: Either you guys fight me or I destroy the machine.

Javs: (as all react) What?!

Sub: And you have to win too.

Chas Chao: (cries) (sniff) Subby’s mean!

Amy Chao: There, there, Chassy.

Javs: Grr…you made Chassy Chao cry…

Frieza: Hmm. This will be an excellent showcase of your abilities against multiple opponents.

Wins <2

---

Frieza: Which are hopefully more impressive than your skills against individual ones.

---

Sub: (hand starts glowing) I’m waiting.

Javs: Grr, come on everyone! We won’t let him bully us!

(Battle

Kingfire – powerhouse

Javs – charge shot (blinds), can’t fly, can’t do damage

Krieg – Has a gun)

Lose

---

(Sub on ground, Chao happy)

Javs: Yay, we saved DDR!

KFC: Let’s get it fixed so we can play again.

Javs: Yeah!

(Chao grab DDR machine and fly away with it, Javs clinging to side. Frieza approaches Sub)

Frieza: You lost to CHAO.

0 wins

---

Sub: (wide eyed) I’m just having a really off day.

Frieza: I’d like to believe that Sub, but after the amateur performance you’ve given us today I’m not sure I can. (drops Sensu bean in Sub’s mouth, he gets up)

Sub: Come on, I’ll make up for it in the next fight.

Frieza: Are you sure you don’t want to put this off until tomorrow? Get some rest, maybe have a few beers, and start off refreshed?

Sub: No! I just haven’t been trying hard enough. I can do this! (Turns away, raises fist, looks down) I know I can…

Trunks: Do what?

(Vegeta and Trunks walk on screen)

Frieza: I thought you two had community service.

Vegeta: The community has decided that it is no longer in need of our services.

Trunks: So what’re you doing out here?

Frieza: Sub’s embarrassing himself. We came to watch.

Vegeta: Did you bring beer?

Frieza: Only enough for the first fight.

Vegeta: Then it’s a good thing we found you when we did. Embarrassment is no fun when you’re sober.

Sub: Well we won’t be needing it because I’m not going to lose again. Come on!

(Flies away)

Vegeta: Did he just turn down beer?

Ace: I think he’s startin’ to lose it.

Frieza: He was acting strange when we left, and all these defeats seem to have weakened his whole sense of reality. Right now I think he’s struggling to prove his strength to HIMSELF more than anything else.

Trunks: Prove his strength?

Frieza: I’ll explain on the way.

(All fly away)

1 or 2 wins

---

Sub: Come on, there were 15 of them. And one of them was King Fire.

Frieza: I guess they were pretty well organized. Still, you didn’t exactly put up a good fight. (drops Sensu bean in mouth. Sub gets up)

Sub: I’ll make up for it in the next fight.

Frieza: You’d better. This hasn’t exactly been an impressive trip.

Trunks: You guys went on a road trip without us?

(Vegeta and Trunks walk on screen)

Frieza: Not a road trip, Sub’s just fighting people to prove how strong he is.

Vegeta: Sounds like a road trip to me. Where’s the beer?

Frieza: We forgot it.

Vegeta: BLASTPHEMY!

Frieza: (as speaking, Nemo vanishes and reappears with 6 pack held over head) Well Sub rushed us out the door and Nemo is-

Frieza: (turns) …holding a 6 pack.

Vegeta: Well then it’s a good thing we brought extra.

Frieza: Aren’t you two supposed to be doing community service?

Vegeta: Yes.

Frieza: Oh. Just checking.

Sub: Come on guys, you can drink on the way.

(Flies away, all follow)

3 wins

---

Sub: Come on Frieza, there were 15 of them and one of them was Kingfire.

Frieza: Hmph. I guess they were pretty well organized. Even the greatest of warriors can be outflanked with a little power and enough coordination. (drops Sensu bean in Sub’s mouth, Sub gets up)

Sub: I could’ve won if I’d been trying harder. I wasn’t expecting them to be that good.

Frieza: Oh really? Well then we’ll just have to find you something a little more challenging to get that adrenaline flowing.

Trunks: Hey, what’re you guys doing out here?

(Vegeta and Trunks walk on screen)

Frieza: Sub’s showing off. What’re YOU doing here? I thought you had community service.

Vegeta: The community has decided that it is no longer in need of our services.

Sub: Good. Then you can fight me.

Vegeta: Nah, we’re too drunk. We’ll watch though.

Sub: Pff. Look at you guys. I’m the only one here who’s willing to fight. What would you do if someone attacked the city right now?

Vegeta: Drink more.

Trunks: Loot.

Ace: Get Spades to deal with it.

Frieza: Blow up the planet.

Nemo: (jump) CRY HAVOC AND LET’S SIP THE DRUGS OF YORE!

(Lands, awkward silence)

Nemo: Wasn’t somebody supposed to blow me up or something?

Sub: Come on guys.

(All fly away except Nemo)

Nemo: Guys?

(Poofs, replaced by traffic cone)

Win

---

(Chao on ground in various expressions of pain)

Javs: No…must…save…DDR…

Sub: That was pathetic, even for chao. You guys need to eat more fruit or something.

(Extends glowing hand to DDR machine)

Javs: NO!

(Sub launches energy ball at machine. Machine explodes, smoke clears to reveal shining new machine)

Javs: Huh?

(All chao get up, celebrate)

Javs: Whee, he fixed it!

Sub: Huh? You can still move?! Then…hey! We’re not done yet!

Javs: Bye Sub!

(Chao grab DDR machine, fly away with it, Javs holding on)

0 wins

---

Frieza: Well, you finally won a fight. Too bad it was against chao. Though you dealt with their coordinated attacks quite well, so I suppose you’ve managed to demonstrate at least SOME talent.

Ace: Or dumb luck.

Sub: Everything up ‘till now has just been dumb luck. Now I’m ready to show you what I can really do.

Frieza: Hmph. One victory and he’s back to talking tough. Well your next fight had better be something spectacular because I’m not impressed in the least.

Trunks: Hey guys, what’s up?

(Trunks and Vegeta walk on screen)

Frieza: I thought you two had community service.

Vegeta: No, that’s tomorrow. Today we had to spend “family time” with the wife.

Trunks: So what’re you guys doing here?

Ace: Sub’s tryin’ to prove he’s strong, but he’s been sucking major butt, MAN.

Frieza: Would one of you two care to fight him? That would settle any doubts one way or the other.

Vegeta: Nah, I’m tired from listening to the woman nag us all day.

Trunks: I just want to get hammered. Where’s the beer?

Sub: We didn’t bring any.

Vegeta: BLASTPHEMY!!!

Frieza: We were in a hurry.

Trunks: Then it’s a good thing we showed up. We’ve got some extra.

Nemo: It’ll be just like the bar, only with Sub getting beat up instead of me!

(Sub blasts Nemo of screen)

Sub: Come on; let’s find another fighter.

(All fly away except Nemo)

1 or 2 wins

---

Frieza: That was uncharacteristically noble of you.

Sub: Well what’d you expect me to do?

Frieza: Blow it up, laugh, possibly set a few of them on fire.

Sub: I have SOME sympathy, Frieza.

Frieza: Could’ve fooled me. Anyway, that was pretty impressive. Those chao were well organized but you broke their formation with both strength and strategy.

Ace: Yeah man, 15 of anything at once takes some skills.

Trunks: What’re you guys talking about? We’ve done way more than 15 beers at once!

(Trunks and Vegeta walk on screen)

Frieza: I thought you two had community service.

Vegeta: The community has decided that it no longer has need of our services.

Trunks: So what are you guys doing out here?

Sub: I’m showing them how strong I am. Either of you wanna fight?

Vegeta: Nah. All that getting out of doing work has me beat.

Trunks: I’d rather just watch.

Vegeta: Hey, that reminds me. Who’s watching the bar?

Frieza: I don’t know. I think Goku was still there.

Vegeta: What?! Do you remember what happened last time we left him alone?!

Frieza: Relax, the microwave is unplugged and the phones are dead.

Sub: Let’s go guys, I still haven’t shown you my real power yet.

Nemo: Formulaic comical interjection!

Frieza: Clichéd condescension.

Sub: Violence. (blasts Nemo)

Ace: …MAN!!!

Trunks: ‘Cause we need beer money.

Vegeta: Yup.

(All fly away)

3 wins

---

Frieza: That was uncharacteristically noble of you.

Sub: Guess I’m just in a good mood today.

Frieza: And in good form, too. That group was organized, but you kept them off their feet and picked their tactics apart with a fighting instinct worthy of your reputation.

Sub: I was just showing off. I could’ve ended that a lot sooner if I’d been trying.

Frieza: Yes, this was more a test of skill than strength. We still need to find ourselves a well-rounded super being.

Ace: Then I think it’s time we get outta this city. It’s not like one of the old vets is just gonna appear out of nowhere and-

Trunks: Hey guys!

(Ace jumps, Vegeta and Trunks walk on screen)

Frieza: Aren’t you two supposed to be doing community service?

Vegeta: Yes.

Trunks: What’re you guys doing out here?

Sub: I’m showing everyone how strong I am. You guys wanna fight?

Vegeta: Nah. All that getting out of doing work has me beat.

Trunks: I’d rather just watch.

Vegeta: Hey, that reminds me. Who’s watching the bar?

Frieza: I don’t know. I think Chibi Trunks was still there.

Vegeta: What?! Do you remember what happened the last time we left him alone?!

Frieza: Yes.

Vegeta: Oh. Well, as long as someone does.

Sub: Come on guys. I’ve got a good feeling about the next fight.

(Flies away, others follow, Nemo falls down as cardboard cutout)

Round 6

(SPA walks onto MN’s Dojo arena carrying beer)

Trunks: What’s this place?

Sub: Mysterious Ninja’s old dojo. Newbies came here to learn how to survive and vets came to train and test their skills. He started a new one in Neo Metro City when it was first built, and after it died I think he moved to Krystal Isle. I haven’t seen him in years.

Frieza: Then why are we here?

Sub: I was hoping we’d run into him.

Frieza: Five chance encounters in one day is a bit much to ask for, don’t you think?

Sub: I guess. Let’s go then.

(Gang turns to leave stage left, shuriken flies at Sub from right. Sub jumps and turns to see who threw it (gang turns), shuriken flies past him, turns into MN)

===

wins<3

---

(MN slashes Sub in back, pounds him into ground, lands on right)

MN: You’ve gotten rusty, Sub. I didn’t think you’d fall for that.

Sub: (gets up) MN? Well speak of the devil. What’re you doing here?

wins>2

---

(MN slashes at Sub, Sub vanishes behind MN, MN turns and they clash, seperate)

MN: Not bad, Sub. I see you haven’t stopped training either.

Sub: (grinning) MN. What brings you here?

===

MN: Believe it or not, I forgot Reyn’s phone number and I remembered that someone scribbled it on the bathroom wall in my old dojo. I can’t believe it’s still standing after all this time. It’s been ages. When was the last time we saw each other, Sub?

Sub: I think it protecting the city back in the days of SOTLOTWAS.

MN: SOTLOTWAS. Those were the days. Remember that time Amy got captured by Bill Gates and we all rescued her?

Sub: Yeah, and I killed him as he was trying to escape! That was a good fight.

MN: Yeah, I haven’t been in battles like those since I left.

Sub: How about we have one now? Care for a duel?

MN: Sure! You ready?

====

0 or 1 wins

---

Frieza: Uh, Sub, are you sure you want to do this? You’ve already lost to much weaker foes than this today. Perhaps you’d better-

Sub: I can do this Frieza! This time I won’t hold back and I won’t make any mistakes! I’ll prove that I’m strong, even if I die trying!

MN: Uh…what?

Sub: Never mind. Let’s go!

Wins>1

---

Frieza: Well Sub, this is it. The fight we’ve all been waiting for. MN has all the raw power and skill you could ask for. Are you finally ready to show us this famous power of yours?

Sub: Watch closely, guys. This is gonna be one to remember.

[FIGHT!]

Lose

---

(Sub on ground)

MN: Looks like you need to train a bit harder, Sub. Drop by my new dojo sometime when you’re ready for a rematch!

(Ninja vanish)

0 or 1 wins

---

(Frieza walks up to Sub, drops bean in mouth, Sub gets up)

Frieza: Ready to call it a day?

Sub: (wide eyed) One more fight. I can still do this.

Frieza: Seriously Sub, it’s over. You haven’t even come close to winning a fight today. Save yourself the embarrassment.

Frieza: Well I’ve seen you embarrass yourself enough for one day. I’m going back.

---

Sub: No! We’re not stopping until you see me fight like I normally do.

Frieza: Why is this so important to you?

Sub: Because I’m tired of people thinking I’m weak! Everywhere I go it’s like I’m a joke! Even after all the times I’ve saved this place and all the warriors I’ve beaten they still look at me like I’m a wannabe and I’m tired of it! I’m strong and I’ll prove it! (flies away)

Vegeta: Pff! Pitiful.

Frieza: Well put, Vegeta.

Trunks: That’s what happens when you stop training. One day you’re invincible, the next you’re getting your ass kicked by Chibi Trunks.

Ace: Should we keep following him?

Frieza: I guess. Somebody’s going to have to heal him after he loses again.

(Fly away)

2 or 3 wins

---

(Frieza walks up to Sub)

Frieza: Well tough guy? Was that the best you’ve got?

Sub: Just shut up and give me a bean.

Frieza: Hmph. I don’t know why I should bother. That was the fight we came out here to find and you weren’t exactly what I would call impressive. (drops bean in Sub’s mouth, Sub gets up)

Sub: He tricked me with his ninja skills before I could get to full power! You’ll see in the next fight, I’ll-

Frieza: I think I’ve seen enough, Sub. There’s no need to waste our time looking for another battle.

Sub: No! We’re not stopping until you see my full power!

Frieza: …why is this so important to you anyway? Do our opinions mean that much to you?

Sub: I’m tired of people thinking I’m weak! Everywhere I go it’s like I’m a joke! Even after all the times I’ve saved this place and all the warriors I’ve beaten they still look at me like I’m a wannabe and I’m tired of it! I’m strong and I’ll prove it! Now come on. (flies away)

Nemo: He really identifies with his power, huh?

Ace: Fighting is all that he does. Without his strength, he’s got nothing.

Frieza: Hmph…fine. One more fight.

(Fly away)

4 wins

---

Sub: Damnit!

Frieza: Cheer up Sub. You may not have won, but you fought a magnificent battle. And after 4 consecutive battles no less.

(Drops bean in Sub’s mouth, he gets up)

Sub: I should’ve won. If only I’d…

Frieza: You lost to one of the strongest warriors this city has ever known. There’s no shame in that, Sub.

Sub: Hm. We still need one more fight though.

Frieza: I think I’ve seen enough to get a feel for your ability. Let’s just call it a day.

Sub: No. You’re not leaving until I’m satisfied that you’ve seen my full power.

Frieza: Sub, why are you taking this so seriously?

Frieza: Hm…comedic hero syndrome.

Trunks: Huh?

Ace: It means he’s cursed with strength that will only surface when there’s trouble. The rest of the time he just embarrasses himself, MAN!

Vegeta: You mean like Kakarot? Huh. I never would’ve thought he was like that.

Nemo: Does that mean I can stop being the comic relief?

(Frieza lights Nemo. Pause, Nemo steals lighter)

Frieza: Hey!

(Frieza chases, gang follows)

Win

---

MN: Impressive, Sub. You’ve improved a lot these last few years. Stop by my dojo sometime; I’d like a rematch.

Sub: But we’re not finished with this match!

MN: Sorry Sub, but I’d rather not go to my limit today. I’ve got a training session with my students in a few hours and I need the energy. Another time.

Sub: (as MN vanishes) But we’ve got-

Sub: (MN gone) …sensu beans.

1 or 2 wins

---

Sub: So, how was that?

Frieza: Pretty disappointing, actually.

Sub: What?!

Trunks: Yeah, I haven’t seen a fight that bad since that time we set Goten against Chibi Trunks.

Ace: Your style’s a mess, MAN.

Sub: But…but I-

Frieza: I don’t think MN was using anything near his full ability. And I certainly hope that what we just saw wasn’t your maximum power level, but I have a feeling you’re going to disappoint me with that too.

Sub: Of course it wasn’t! I was conserving it for later in the fight and he ran before I could use it! Come on, I’ll show you in the next fight.

Frieza: Perhaps you should quit while you’re ahead and try this again when you’re feeling more up to it.

Sub: No! We’re not stopping until you see me fight like I normally do!

Frieza: Sub, why is this so important to you?

Vegeta: Yep. He’s losing it all right.

Frieza: I hope he gets over it soon. I don’t want to listen to him whining about his strength while I’m trying to drink.

(Gang flies away)

3 or 4 wins

---

Trunks: Not bad Sub!

Ace: Awesome moves, MAN!

Nemo: YOU ARE SUPPA PLAYA!

Sub: I still didn’t get to use my full power.

Frieza: And neither did he, but it was an impressive fight anyway. One worthy of your reputation.

Sub: That was nothing. Next time I’ll show you what I can really do.

Frieza: I’m getting kind of bored, actually. You’ve made your point. How about calling it a day?

Sub: We’re not done until I’m satisfied that you know how strong I am.

Frieza: I think I’ve seen all I need to.

Sub: Unless you’re ready to fight me you’re coming.

Frieza: Why is this so important to you anyway? Do our opinions mean that much to you?

Frieza: Hmph…fine. One more fight.

5 wins

---

Sub: Damnit, why won’t anybody finish a fight with me?!

Frieza: Perhaps is has something to do with what you did to Santa Clause.

Sub: No respect…

Frieza: Cheer up Sub, that was spectacular! Not only was your power extraordinary, and your technique both adaptable and refined, you tactically outdid a high level ninja. I haven’t seen fighting instincts like that in a long time.

Sub: That still wasn’t my limit. We need one more fight.

Frieza: There’s no need, Sub. You’ve removed any doubts I had about your abilities. Your reputation is well deserved.

Sub: We’re not stopping until I show you how strong I am.

Frieza: Come on Sub, that was MN. We’re not going to find anybody better than that.

Sub: Unless you’re ready to fight me yourself then you’re coming.

Frieza: …Sub, why are you taking this so seriously?

(Gang pauses)

Frieza: …

(Frieza flies, followed by Nemo then rest)

Round 7

(Outside city, walking)

Frieza: Well here we are, the city limits, and still nobody to fight. Can we go back now?

Sub: (turns around) No! There’s gotta be someone out here…

Offscreen: Sub-sub!

(Screen moves right, reveals Trinity)

Sub: Trin-trin!

(Hug?)

Sub: What’re you doing out here?

Trinity: I was feeling nostalgic so I thought I’d stop by.

Frieza: Alright, that’s it! This is the fifth veteran we’ve encountered TODAY in a city that’s been almost abandoned for years, and you’re telling you just happened to feel nostalgic?

Trinity: Yeah. Why, is there a party going on or something?

Ace: That is a pretty big coincidence. Seems kinda like someone’s drawing them all here...

(Nemo look suspicious. Frieza looks at him)

Frieza: …Nemo, have you been planting subliminal messages in peoples’ heads again?

Nemo: Congressman, I find it degrading to both our offices that you would slander me with such baseless accusations. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a tee time with the Secretary of Reeducation.

(Golf ball sound, Nemo flies away)

Trinity: …so what’re you guys doing?

Sub: I’m looking for a fight. You up for it?

Trinity: Uh…ok. I’m not much of a fighter, but here goes!

[Fight. 50% of attacks miss Trinity. 50% of her attacks do no damage. At half health goes advance, now only able to be hurt during one second every 10 seconds. Fight for 30 seconds, scene]

Sub: Damn. I can’t hit her!

Frieza: Oh, there was something special about Trinity on the report. Something to do with luck…

Ace: Can’t you see it?

0-3 wins

---

Sub: See what?

Ace: She’s surrounded by a constantly shifting field of random insanity. It keeps making her dodge by accident.

Sub: So how do I beat her?

4,5 wins

---

Sub: Of course I can see it. I wouldn’t have gotten very far in this city if I couldn’t detect a random insanity field. I just can’t find a way through it.

---

Ace: It keeps dropping sporadically. I don’t think she’s consciously in control of it. You just have to hit her in one of those brief moments when it’s down.

Sub: How will I know when that is?

Ace: Hold up, I’ll get Spades to analyze its flow and I’ll give you the signal just before you need to attack.

4 or 5 wins

---

Sub: Don’t bother, Ace. I think I can figure it out myself.

[Resume fight. The word NOW appears on screen when Trin is vulnerable]

Lose

---

(Sub on ground)

Trinity: Yay, I win! That was fun. Well, see you guys later!

0 wins

---

(Frieza walks up to Sub, looks down, crosses arms)

Sub: Wait! I’m not done yet! I can still…I can still-

Frieza: You’re done, Sub. Nemo, bring him.

(Nemo grabs Sub, all fly away)

1 or 2 wins

---

Sub: Rrr! Damn random insanity force.

Frieza: That’s no excuse. You work with Nemo.

Sub: Just wait; I’ll make up for it in the next battle.

Frieza: There isn’t going to be a next battle, Sub. I’ve seen more than enough to judge your power. Nemo, bring him.

(Nemo grabs Sub, all fly away)

3 or 4 wins

---

(Sub gets up)

Sub: Rrr! Damn random insanity force.

Frieza: It was an understandable loss. It’s difficult to defend against something that doesn’t make rational sense. Anyway, it’s about time we head back.

Sub: …yeah. I guess.

(Fly away)

5 wins

---

Sub: Damnit! How could I screw up like that?

Frieza: Random insanity is hard to defend against. You did well.

Sub: I could’ve won. I just…slipped.

Ace: Get over it, man. We all make mistakes.

Sub: …yeah. I know. I just thought I was finally ready.

Frieza: Ready?

Sub: Nevermind. Let’s go back and celebrate. Then you can pay me what you bet me.

(Sub flies away)

Frieza: Bet?! There was no bet!

Ace: You trying to welch on a bet again Friez?

Frieza: I never welch on my bets! Unless I really feel like it.

Ace: Uh huh.

(Ace leaves)

Frieza: Nemo, you were there! Back me up!

Nemo: Ok.

(Flies into Frieza, pushes him back)

Frieza: No, not literally you buffoon!

(Pushes Frieza and self off screen. Explosion is heard)

Vegeta: People who don’t pay their bets make me sick.

Trunks: Dad, just yesterday you blew up an Internet poker company to get out of paying $5.

Vegeta: I still say that place was crooked…

(Both fly away)

Win

---

(Trinity on ground)

Trinity: Ow. That hurt.

(Gets up)

Trinity: But I can’t give up now!

(Runs at Sub with hammer, trips into other dimension. All sweat drop)

Ace: She…tripped into another dimension.

1 win

---

Frieza: Congratulations, Sub. You finally won a fight. Too bad it was against a slightly above average civilian. And with Ace’s help.

Sub: Hey, you couldn’t see that field either!

Frieza: That doesn’t change how poorly you fought anyway.

Sub: Hey, all of this has just been a warm-up. Now that I’m back in form I’ll show you guys what I can really do!

Frieza: Perhaps it would be better if you ended on a high note before we lose any more respect for you.

Sub: We’re not stopping.

(Sub starts to walk away, anvil drops on head, poofs away. Sub dizzy, falls down)

Frieza: Thanks you, Nemo.

Ace: Pathetic, man.

Frieza: Somebody grab him and drag him back to the bar. Maybe some beer will help him get over this.

(Nemo grabs Sub, all fly away)

2 or 3 wins

---

Frieza: Well done, Sub. You pummeled a slightly above average civilian, with help from Ace.

Sub: Hey, you couldn’t see that field either!

Frieza: That’s because I wasn’t trying. Anyway, that was the last fight I’m staying around for. Are you ready to go back yet?

Sub: …yeah. I guess so.

Frieza: Good. Come on then, you look like you could use a drink.

(Fly away)

4 or 5 wins

---

Frieza: Superb, Sub! Your resourcefulness and adaptability are remarkable. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to see through that so quickly.

Sub: Heh. With Nemo around I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with random insanity.

Trunks: So is that it? ‘Cause we’re outta beer.

Sub: Yeah, I think I’ve proven my point. Let’s go back and celebrate. Then you can pay me what you bet me, Frieza.

(Sub flies away)

Frieza: Bet?! There was no bet!

Ace: You trying to welch on a bet again Friez?

Frieza: I never welch on my bets! Unless I really feel like it.

Ace: Uh huh.

(Ace leaves)

Frieza: Nemo, you were there! Back me up!

Nemo: Ok.

(Flies into Frieza, pushes him back)

Frieza: No, not literally you buffoon!

(Pushes Frieza and self off screen. Explosion is heard)

Vegeta: People who don’t pay their bets make me sick.

Trunks: Dad, just yesterday you blew up an Internet poker company to get out of paying $5.

Vegeta: That was different.

Trunks: How?

Vegeta: Kakarot made me press the wrong button.

(Both fly away)

6 wins (perfect)

---

Frieza: Truly stupendous, Sub. You’re a resourceful fighter with incredible power and skill. Come, let’s go back and celebrate your winning streak.

Sub: Wait. This isn’t over yet.

Frieza: You’ve more than proven your point, Sub. Another fight is really unnecessary.

Sub: That’s not what I meant. There’s something I have to do…

(Sub walks off screen. Gang looks confused, starts following, fade to black)

Ending

0 wins

---

(Back at bar, Vegeta behind counter, Frieza and Sub seated, Nemo standing)

Frieza: (cross armed) Well, we certainly learned something today.

Sub: (wide eyed) I’m just having a REALLY off day.

Frieza: No Sub, I’m afraid that what we saw today surpasses bad luck. Not only are you too weak to be a member of this group, I wouldn’t recommend going outside without a bodyguard.

Sub: I’m strong, damnit, I know I am!

Frieza: Really Sub, this is getting sad.

Sub: Why does this always happen!?!?

Nemo: It’s ok Sub, we like you even if you are a total fraud.

Sub: Rraaah!!

(Sub flies at Nemo, Nemo smacks Sub off opposite side of screen, crashing sound)

Sub: (groan) I hate my life…

(Fade to black, return to character select)

1 win

---

(Back at bar, Vegeta behind counter, Frieza and Sub seated, Nemo standing)

Frieza: (cross armed) Well?

Sub: (wide eyed) I swear, I’m just having an off day.

Frieza: I’m sorry Sub, but what we saw today can’t be attributed to bad luck alone. I’m afraid I’m left with no choice…

Frieza: I hereby declare you weaker than Nemo.

Sub: (falls to knees) NOOOOOOO!

Nemo: Does this mean that now Sub’s the comic relief and I’m the belligerent sadist?

Frieza: Sounds reasonable to me.

Nemo: Yay! I mean, “Grr!”

(Nemo goes to punch Sub, Sub punches Nemo off screen without looking)

2 or 3 wins

---

(Back at bar, Vegeta behind counter, Frieza and Sub seated, Nemo standing)

Frieza: Overall Sub, I must say I’m quite disappointed. Your paltry power hardly lives up to all the fuss I’ve heard about you. You’re about as strong as the average Metro City warrior.

Sub: I guess I’ve gotten rusty from sitting around here beating up Nemo too much. I need to start training more.

Nemo: I could start putting up a fight. Would that help?

Sub: That would last about 15 seconds.

Nemo: I’m not THAT weak, Sub.

Sub: Prove it.

Nemo: Does that mean I have to attack random people on the street?

Sub: Yes. And make sure you get it on tape. And deliver a copy to the FBI. In person.

Nemo: Can do!

(Nemo flies through roof)

Frieza: So what do you think, Vegeta?

Vegeta: I think we’re out of toothpicks.

Frieza: Good.

4 wins

---

Frieza: Not bad, Sub. You’ve got a modestly respectable powerlevel and a potent and versatile fighting style. You could use a bit more discipline, and I was hoping your maximum would be a bit higher, but your name is certainly deserving of its place among the legends of this city.

Sub: That still wasn’t my best. I must be out of practice.

Goku: (walks on screen) Uh, guys? While you were gone I accidentally flushed my wallet down the toilet and I tried to get it back and now there’s no bathroom. Sorry.

(Pause, Sub pummels Goku a bit, hits him off screen)

Sub: You know, I just realized something. It doesn’t matter if you’re the strongest or the most skilled. As long as you can beat up Goku, everything is ok.

Vegeta: Well said, Sub. Well said.

Goku: Aw. Why do I have to be the example?

5 wins

---

(All present)

Frieza: My doubts about you couldn’t have been more misplaced, Sub. I haven’t met a fighter of your caliber in a long time.

Trunks: Yeah, you were great!

Ace: We’re lucky to have you on the team, MAN.

Sub: Glad you guys finally realized it. Now how about we celebrate by thanking Nemo for starting this whole thing.

Nemo: Are we talking the “drunk until he vomits” kind of thanks, or the savage beating kind?

Sub: (pulls out drum of seizure shit) I was thinking more of the force-feeding you Seizure Shit variety.

(Gang chases Nemo off right side, Sub stays, jumps at screen with thumbs up like Sonic, fade out)

6 wins (perfect)

---

(Scene opens in Akuma’s training room, Akuma training. Gang enters stage left, Akuma notices)

Akuma: (smiling) Hey Sub! What’s up? It’s been a while.

Frieza: Akuma?! You’re going to fight Akuma?!

Trunks: Akuma? I don’t remember him too well. Is he strong?

Frieza: He’s basically Goku on Street Fighter. He doesn’t have much in the way of special abilities, but his powerlevel is ridiculous.

Sub: Akuma, I’m ready for our fight.

Akuma: (still smiling) You say that every time I see you.

Sub: But this time I’m serious.

Akuma: What, after all the other fights you’ve been in today? You wouldn’t stand a chance!

Sub: Frieza. Sensu bean.

(Frieza throws sensu bean at Sub. He catches, eats)

Sub: Now fight me.

Akuma: (serious look) Hm…

(turns away, pauses, looks back)

Akuma: Are you sure you’re ready, Sub? Remember, you only-

Sub: Yeah, yeah, I remember. I only get one shot. I’m ready.

Akuma: (Turns back away) Very well…

(turns around, takes fighting position)

Akuma: Bring it on!

[Turns Shin at half health (doesn’t heal), music=Murder Instinct

Base form: Charges up for Hadoken, weakest Raging Demon, slowest hurricane kick (and only in 1 direction at a time)

Shin: Can 1 hand hadoken with no charge, charges up for Shinku Hadoken, stronger raging demon, faster farther reaching hurricane kick that bounces off walls, Misogi - disappear, dropkick from top of screen, shin only(394)]

Lose

---

(Sub on knees, base Akuma standing arms folded)

Akuma: Sorry Sub, looks like you’re not strong enough to beat me yet. I’m impressed though, you’ve improved much faster than I thought you would. You just need to discipline your style a little more. (turns away) Come back after you’ve trained some more and we’ll have a rematch.

Sub: Huh? But I thought you said…

Akuma: Oh, yeah. I just told you that so you’d train harder and not just fight, lose, and bug me for a rematch every other day. I’m a busy warrior, you know. So come by sometime next month if you feel ready.

Sub: Ha! You can count on it! And I’m going to beat you, too!

Akuma: Good. I’ll look forward to it. Later, Sub.

(Akuma vanishes, gang approaches Sub)

Sub: Damn. I thought I was finally ready…

Ace: Ah, forget about it. You can’t win ‘em all.

Sub: …yeah. I guess. But someday…

Sub: (looks up) I will beat you, Akuma!

(Pause, gang flies off left of screen)

Win

---

(Hyper Sub looking at SAkuma on one knee grinning)

SAkuma: Wow. You’ve really improved, Sub. Your technique still looks freeform on the surface, but underneath it I can see you’ve finally got the discipline of a true warrior. I’m impressed. We should do this again sometime.

Sub: Again? But you haven’t even gone Chaos Shin yet!

SAkuma: You’ve come a long way Sub, but you’re not strong enough to handle that yet.

Sub: I don’t care. You promised me a fight and we’re not stopping until we go all the way.

SAkuma: I’m sorry. You’re just not ready.

Sub: You’re wrong! You think you know my power? Ha. While you’ve trained here complacently in your own world I’ve been traveling across the multiverse, fighting every warrior and monster I could find, constantly getting stronger and learning from every battle. Especially from the S.P.A. (pause while Akuma looks interested, gang looks slightly surprised). These guys are some of the greatest warriors there are and they’ve taught me things you could never learn by staying in a place like this.

SAkuma: Like what?

Sub: That there’s more to fighting than strength or skill or strategy. (power up position)

That a warrior’s strongest weapon is his heart. (sparks rising) That power is made perfect through weakness. (eyes turn blue) And…

(Transforms)

Sub: (grinning) How to make a damn good drink.

Frieza: (amazed) Sub…is that…did you just…

SAkuma: Another form, Sub? I thought you were done with that.

Sub: No, this is it. This is the true essence of my fighting spirit, the perfect union of body and soul. This is the real me.

Sub: (grin) I can feel it.

SAkuma: Your…Shin?

Sub: Heh…not quite.

Sub: Just call me “Rosian.”

SAkuma: I’m impressed, but it’s still not enough. Later, Sub.

(Turns, vanishes. Sub vanishes, screen pans right, Sub smacks Akuma out of fast motion into ground)

Sub: EITHER WE’RE GOING TO FINISH THIS FIGHT OR I’M GOING TO KILL YOU TRYING!!!

SAkuma: (gets up) Hm. Maybe this new form is stronger than I thought…

SAkuma: Are you really sure you want to do this, Sub? You still only get one chance.

Sub: That’s all I ever wanted!

SAkuma: Alright then. Get ready…

[Transforms to Chaos Shin, then Dragon Shin in time with intro to music, Hoobastank’s Just One.

Rosian can heal

Can one hand Shinku Hadoken (triply), charge move is Shintuvai, Chaos Shin only(996, originally by “soul of aqua” http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v291/WarpTH/Picture5copy.jpg)]

Lose

---

(When Sub dies in battle, untransform. Open on base Sub on knees)

Sub: Damnit! I couldn’t hold it…

DSAkuma: Not bad, Sub. The amount that you’ve improved in so short a time is amazing, but you’re still not ready to face me at full power.

(Turns away)

DSAkuma: Come back after you’ve trained some more and we’ll have a rematch.

Sub: Huh? But I thought you said…

Akuma: Oh, yeah. I just told you that so you’d train harder and not just fight, lose, and bug me for a rematch every other day. I’ll look forward to our next fight. Later, Sub.

(Akuma vanishes, gang approaches Sub)

Sub: Damn. I thought I had it…

Frieza: Sub…was that what I think it was?

Sub: Sorta. After you explained to me about that transformation of yours I tried it out but could never get that whole “listening” thing, so I cheated and used some of Nemo’s reality bending techniques to find my UEF, like Ace showed me, and with the self-control training I did with Trunks I just sorta…grabbed it.

Ace: …you created an infinite loop on yourself?!

Sub: It was more like grabbing hold of my soul and being able to perfectly harmonize with it. That was the first time I ever pulled it off, but I couldn’t hold on to it…

Frieza: Sub…that you were able to learn all of that just from watching us…that you could combine it all so effectively…you truly are one of the greatest warriors I’ve ever seen.

Sub: Heh. Yeah. I just can’t believe I blew it…

Vegeta: Enough of this sulking. Let’s get back to the bar and drown your sorrows properly.

Sub: Sure. I’ll join you guys in a minute.

(Gang starts walking off left screen)

Frieza: So am I the only one who used to call him Aku Math?

Nemo: Evil math?

Frieza: Yeah…

Sub: (alone now) Someday Akuma…

Sub: I will beat you.

(Vanishes)

Win

---

(Base Akuma unconscious)

Sub: …I did it…

Sub: Hell yeah!

(Gang rushes up)

Frieza: Sub…my doubts about you couldn’t have been more misplaced. That was insane!

Trunks: Yeah! I don’t think I’ve ever SEEN a fight like that!

Ace: Your power is fearsome, MAN!

Frieza: And this form…did you actually master my transformation?

Nemo: No, he used some of my dimension warping techniques, and concepts from Ace’s spellsinging and combined them into something new…

Frieza: Your reputation doesn’t begin to do you justice. You’re an extraordinary fighter, one of the greatest I’ve ever seen. We are privileged to have you on our team.

Sub: Heh! About time you realized it!

Trunks: Come on guys! Let’s go get loaded and ogle the strippers at Sub’s old School After Hours!

Sub: I’ll catch up with you guys later. There’s something I want to do first.

Trunks: Alright then, see ya!

Ace: Later man!

(Gang starts to rush out)

Sub: Wait.

(Gang stops)

Sub: I just wanted to…uh…let you guys know you were a big help. I probably never would’ve gotten this strong without you. So, you know, thanks, ‘nd stuff.

Frieza: (Arms crossed, grin) Aw, how gracious of you. Are you going to cry as well?

Sub: Yeah right. Now get going. And save me some beer.

(Gang leaves, Sub looks up)

Sub: I did it. I finally did it…

Offscreen: Akuma, come quick! There’s a monster attacking the city!

(Lita runs on screen, looks at Sub, Akuma, Sub)

Lita: Hey Sub…what happened to Akuma?

Sub: (grin) Heh. Oh nothing much, I just-

Lita: Nevermind, the city’s under attack! Will you help us?

Sub: (Narrow eyes) Sure, what the heck. It’s not like I’ve been fighting all day or just beat Akuma at full power or anything.

Lita: Great, follow me!

(Both rush off screen, cut to black screen with text “Several unnecessary deaths later…” Open on crowd in front of podium in city, sunny day, Sub and Lita on podium)

Lita: Subrosian, for your valiant efforts in rescuing us from “evil monster,” the people of Undisclosed City have asked me to present you with the invisible Hero’s Medal of Heroicness.

(Sub takes invisible medal, crowd cheers)

Sub: Behold I have won again!

(Jumps into screen in Sonic ending pose, screen freezes. Start Triumph’s “Fight the Good Fight”, shrink screen into corner, show scenes of Sub’s fights in other corner while credits roll. When credits finish, old window fills screen again, fades to black)